+ SuiCiDe +

Times like this I would have already slit my wrists.

Too bad I already gave that up.

What do you do when you’re really stressed…

And it feels like everything and every single person is against you?

When no one seems to want to understand or ask why

When every one has just given up asking…

Why when at times I try soo hard to be good and strong and really responsible, nothing just seems to go my way…

They say when you always pray, you attract the devil… that temptation is always near.

Can it be said it’s the same when you try to be happy? Strong?

That inevitably you just attract all the negativity your soul cannot muster…

Just for life to test you how badly you want to be happy?

How do you become so strong… to the point when you just feel numb and nothing can hurt your frail everything?

Crying really doesn’t make a person strong… only pity herself.

I do want to change but what if the world already wants me the way I am, was, is.

Now I believe in permanence.

And me just being plain lifeless and hopeless is what should maybe remain…

A broken pessimist

There will still be bouts of laughter and joy… but I’m made with pillars of sadness…

Losing hope may just give me one and at this point I’m at the brink.

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*I wrote this obviously at a time when I was overly sympathetic of myself, hehe. Mmm, well things to talk about. Recently, I read about gene-environment interaction and how a person may be predisposed by his/her genes to be, for example, depressed and given the right (or in this case) wrong environment may trigger that gene and cause its inevitable development… which in the long run may make the person exhibit symptoms of depression. Hmm… so I may not be too far-fetched with my theory about me being made with “pillars of sadness” etc.

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Another, it’s just amazing how I can really be sooo self-defeating to the point of disregarding all the development I’ve made with regard to being happy and normal (which means not dark/ goth/ emo, not that I’m saying their not normal because they really are but what I mean is normal in a sense that is… ahm… boring. Haha, and I’m actually not sure I want that.)

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Ever had the feeling when you’re really trying soo hard to change yet feels like nothing just really goes your way? Parang you and you against the universe!:o hmm… sucks when I feel that way.

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I do have a point with the crying thing right? Haha, that when you cry all you can think about is self-pity and then you cry some more because you realize you’re crying and then it becomes an endless cycle that by the time you’re done crying you’re all worn out and tired and unable to think positively or even just plainly, think. Crying is a good thing.:) it’s a release!:) it is nice to cry… just don’t drown.

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Basically, the point here is not to justify words with follow-up essays but to wait a while for the intense emotions to die down before saying (in this case, posting) what/ how you feel or felt during a situation. Discourse between two persons (or more, who are in a fight/misunderstanding) who are ready to talk freely and not be affected by biases, here is the argument where true results may be reached. True meaning a compromise, no one feeling forced to agree.

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Oh, and i wouldn’t ever (I hope) slit my wrists ever again.:) (Tada! Duhn duhn duhn….)

bakit nga ba nagbblog ang mga tao?

tingin ba natin laging may nagbabasa ng blogs natin?

paano ba papa-alam sa mga tao na "may new post ako!"

hmmm… pag wala bang bumubisita sa blog mo wala ka ng friends? di ka na

!popular!

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anyway…madaming nakakatuwang babasahin sa blogs eh… mga ideya ng mga tao na talagang unique sa kanila.

may nagsabi sakin o nabasa ko ba, escape daw niya ang blogging. tingin ko maraming tao ang ganto ang rason.

meron din, ginagamit daw niya ang blogging para magparinig sa mga tao… bakit kaya. (bottled up emotions? taray.)

ano man rason mo mag blogging, tutuloy ka pa rin ba magsulat kahit na sigurado kang walang nagbabasa?

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pag nagblog ba ako ibig sabihin extrovert nako? (walang hiya kumbaga, kasi nilalantad ko private life ko eh)

hmmm… dami kong naiisip sa blogging.

blogging

blogging

bloggita.

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"pwede ba kitang tawaging bloggito? you can call mo bloggita…"

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bantot. papayag ka bang mabantot ka?

may guidelines kaya para sa ‘right blogging’

mayroon bang libro na "Idiot’s Guide for Blogging"?

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may ethics ba sa pagbblog? tipong,

1. no jerks

2. no hurting people’s feelings

3. no racist remarks

4. no __________ (fill in the blank)

siguro kung meron magiging boring na noh?

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bakit ko ba naisip to…

may nabasa kasi akong mabahong blog eh, yung bagay siyang tawaging bloggito.

pero try niyo to—> http://tabulas.com/~sikeroh

nax. yan ang blogger.:)

fun basahin, di hurtful

tatawa kayo… talentado.

kaya blog wisely.

write nice, not twice.

write what you want, sow what you plant

be a true friend, not a fiend.

don’t be plastik, you’ll be walastik.

don’t be praning chikiting.

                                                                 — yours truly,

                                                                      bloggitwa

SELF- CONCLUSION by the spill canvas

Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world

"Excuse me, sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you’re gonna say it’s not right"

My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you’re talking to?"

She said, "I don’t care, you don’t even know me"
I said, "I know but I’d like to change that soon, hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you’re never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"

My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"

She said, "Are you crazy? You don’t even know me."
I said, "I know, but I’d like to change that soon hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you’re never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you’ll never see it coming"

"Settle, precious, I know what you’re going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you’re never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

haay… i love you hunny… sooo much.

ahuh… a weird topic for someone like me. but hey, why not.:p

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anyway, for easter my mom gave me a box filled with ‘quotations on happiness’ (ta da!). hehe, shows how much she wants me to get rid of all the “darkness” in my life.:) wow. anyway………

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to inspire other people, who might be feeling kind of low… let me share some quotes from people who think they’ve found the formula for a successful happy-filled life.

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* if you want to be happy, be. - Leo Tolstoy

(first of all, its not as easy as it sounds. Second, not much of a help really. and third, makes me feel worse since i have no idea how to be, be!)

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* to be able to find joy in another’s joy; that is the secret of happiness. - Georges Bernanos

(well i guess, it’s not that secret anymore. and this quote is not an excuse to be lazy. it’s not enough that you just sit and find joy in another’s joy. work for your own!)

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* Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. - Denis Waitley

(what if a person’s happy by hating, being a disgrace and just being plain ungrateful. cannot that be called living a life of happiness?)

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* …Happiness is a blessing that comes to you as you go along; a treasure that you incidentally find. - Louis Binstock

(great. an accident. wonder how that would go… i have happiness right in front of me and if i don’t recognize it at once, i may also lose it. how reassuring.)

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* Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. - Og Mandino

(found not outside of yourself yet you must rely on the happiness you can give to others…hmm… im confused. isn’t that outside of myself already? that perfume may turn sour if the person i reached out to didn’t want help. or someone i smiled to was having a bad day, and when i smiled at him, my smile only made him feel worse! hmm… there’s just something that doesn’t fit…)

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* some of us might find happiness if we quit struggling so desperately for it. – William Feather

(I like this quote…:) its simple and realistic… says ‘some’ may find it, not all.)

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* There are two ways of being happy: we must either diminish our wants or augment our means – either may do- the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens to be easier. – Benjamin Franklin

(should I lessen my wants just because my best wasn’t good enough. Sorry, but I don’t think it’s right that I compromise my needs and effort in order to “do that which happens to be easier”! and I disagree that there are only two ways! hmp. This happiness quote is very economically and politically-inspired. )

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* I’m fulfilled in what I do… I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes- the finer things of life- would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense. – Coretta Scott King

(yes… true, your concept. Because I always thought that emotional, mental, physical and other aspects of life should also be tended too to be completely happy. But then again, can anyone be truly, completely happy… well I guess that’s already up to the person.)

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* Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination. – Roy Goodman

(but I’d like to think/ know that where I arrive at, at the end of my travel, would also be as happy… di ba?)

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* rule for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for. – Immanuel Kant

(ahh. doing, loving and hoping… contingent things in life. Happiness indeed is hard work.)

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contradicting quotes on happiness:

* it is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. – Agnes Repplier

* Happiness is a by product of an effort to make someone else happy. – Gretta Brooker Palmer

(hmm… I wonder if they knew each other…)

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* Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. – Victor Hugo

(convinced. No you don’t have to feel it nor see it; you just have to be convinced you are loved, that’s life’s greatest happiness. gaa! How sad is that??)

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* happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don’t even remember leaving open. –

(such a cute quote.:) hehe, nice…)

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And the quote I like most……

“Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again – this is the brave and happy life.” – J.E. Buckrose

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couldn’t agree more.:) bottom line is, quotes are called as such because they’ve been taken from another person’s point of view, a different life from your own. You may agree with them, disagree… whatever. But always, it is still up to you, the person who’ll make that happiness possible. May you find happiness, be it on your own, with another person’s help or with God’s… the thing we all want to achieve here is, you find your own unique kind of happiness… doing it with your own style and by achieving it with your own means. Quotes are quotes, just words. But the life you live is made meaningful by and through action.